THE NZ WRITERS COLLEGE

2020 Annual Short Story Competition

For Emerging Writers in New Zealand

THE WINNERS

We are delighted to announce our winners for
the 2020 NZ Writers College Short Story Competition.

The winning stories were original, quirky, authentic and complex, with a strong sense of place. Each was a thoughtful interpretation of this year’s theme: ‘What We Took for Granted’.

 

Congratulations on a superb effort.

 

FIRST PLACE:

‘Drainpipe’ – by Akshata Rao

 

RUNNER-UP:

‘let it be. waiho’ – by Christopher Reed

 

THIRD PLACE:

 ‘Paper Planes’– by Hannah Woolhouse

 

In fourth place is ‘Near Death Valley’, written by Belinda Marshall.

 

Read the judges’ comments, as well as the top three stories, below the Highest Honours, Honours, Honourable Mention and ‘More Stories We Loved’ results lists.

HIGHEST HONOURS

These stories narrowly missed inclusion in the top four.

The characters were authentic and memorable. Plotlines were generally plausible, interesting and unpredictable, and the manuscripts were polished.

In no particular order: 

‘Memories Linger’ – by Angela Wu
‘Cafe Crème’ – by Natalie Allen
‘The Jar’ – by Christopher Keane
‘Looking Glass’ – by R L Jeffs
‘I Didn’t Think It’d Come to This’ – by Leticia Alvarez
‘You is Not the First Person’ – by Maree Black
‘Delete’ – by Jan Pryor
‘Mixed Tape’ – by Travis Inglis
‘Seize Your Day’ – by Donna Broadhurst
‘Loop’ – by Lisa McKenzie
‘Privacy’ – by Robin J Nelson
‘The Sky is No Longer Blue’ – by Yvonne Wang

HONOURS

Good storytelling and enjoyable reading. Some good imagery and description in places. For the most part, the writing is not forced or contrived.

In no particular order:

‘A Forgotten Pair’ – by Richard Goodson
‘The Vanquished Man’ – by Jasmine Caukwell
‘Life Was Better When It Was Worse’ – by Matthew Wearn
‘A Tapestry of Memories’ – by A D Anderson
‘Blue Eyes’ – by Beryl Mouldey
‘Girls’ Weekend’ – by Emma Harris
‘b r o k e n’ – by Frances Turner
‘The Turning Point’ – by Jane Tingey,
‘Baby Meat’ – by Jared Humm
‘658 Hours’ – by Patrice McCoy
‘You’re the Only Reason I Came to this Party’ – by Anthony Pita
‘Wreckage’ – by Jess Hautler
‘Mum Calling’ – by Joseph Curran
‘Early Starts’ – by Connie Buchanan
‘The Lockdown Payout’ – By Tavish Fraser
‘The End’ – by Tracy Solea
‘The Reopening’ – by Rachael Riley
‘Those I Like Best’ – by Emma Taylor
‘The Birds That Never Got On, Until…’ – by Frances Rush
‘Transient Heroes’ – by Polly Dacre
‘Mr Jensen’s Troubles’ – by Tom Galloway
‘Johnny Boy’ – by Scott Butler
‘Existing Under an Exploding Sun’ – by Shan Gibson
‘One Foot in the Grave’ – by Jason Morgan

HONOURABLE MENTION

Great writing is about attention to detail, creating characters and plot that are original and bold. Next year we’d like to see these authors move up the results ladder.

In no particular order:

‘I Was Blind, But Now I See’– by Joe O’Connor
‘Big Baby’ – by Rosalie Pedersen
‘The Visit’ – by Christine Gore
‘Luxury Melancholy’ – by Amanda McNite
‘Aroha on a Sunday’ – by Abby Shieh
‘We Think It’s a Drought – by Alex Bush
‘When the Storm Passes’ – by Zella Downing
‘Looking Back’ – by Paul Terpstra
‘Tulips’ – by Tiffany Allan
‘Listening to Middlemarch’ – by Helen Jackson
‘Paradise’ – by Tom Ballantyne
‘Dusty Promises’ – by Aimee Parkyn
‘Driven’ – by Hazlito
‘Field Trip 1988’ – by Juliet Slattery
‘Cat Burglar’ – by Sarah Bailey
‘Brave Felix’ – by Cory Beale
‘Those Were the Days’ – by Katharine Shelley Kirton
‘Shipwreck’ – by Glenn Erik Johannessen
‘Dream State’ – by Emma Norman
‘Bitter’ – by D. K. Marlowe

MORE STORIES WE LOVED

In no particular order:

‘Igor’s Silence’ – by Claudia Bolz
‘Mum’s Gone’ – by Matthew Armstrong
‘The Choice’ – by Sian Jones
‘A Consortium of Cryptids’ – by Ellery McNaughton
‘Reverse–Vampire’ – by Rory Nelson Moores
‘Welcome, Mrs Sole’ – by Giselle Simoes
‘Those who wait’ – by Alice Pearce
‘You’ – by Nicki White
‘In the Deep’ – by Tayla Marie Robertson
‘Bleeding Love’ – by Ros Lo
‘You’re Like Family to Us’ – by Sue Roughton
‘Laura, Are Ye In…?’ – by Loretta Egan
‘A Routine Moment’ – by Adrienne Huia
‘The Fabulous Life of Writers…’ – by Dinja Hoitink
‘Stale Bread’ – by Malachi Mackey
‘Not Okay’ – by Hugh McGarvey
‘Being Free’ – by Luka Brand
‘Mr Bishop Pulls Backward’ – by Noel Suckling

Keep up the great writing! We look forward to hearing from you again for our 2021 NZ Writers College Short Story Competition.

The judges’ ratings and comments for the top three stories

A huge thank you to our judges this year: Sonny Whitelaw, Philippa Werry, Arja Salafranca and Gareth Ward.

First Place

'Drainpipe'
by Akshata Rao

Judges’ comments

  • Like all good speculative fiction, this is a wonderfully original take on a contemporary socio-economic problem: the impact of the lockdown. The reader instantly understands the character’s situation and his desperation. I particularly liked how you artfully exposed the role of social media; co-opting the problems of others to fit the ‘normal’ abnormal. The story felt a little disjointed in the kitchen scene with his mother; I don’t think you needed to establish his relationship with her in a commonplace domestic setting, or ‘hang the gun on the wall’ by foreshadowing the knife. It doesn’t feel necessary, as you did such a good job of establishing the everyday commonplace nature of the setting and his unique needs. Aside from that, a great story. Sonny
  • There was some nice imagery and foreshadowing in this story and an original take on the effects of lockdown. I felt cheated that we didn’t get into the mortuary after it seemed to be set up for this to occur. It felt a little anticlimactic. The ending did appeal to my dark soul. Gareth
  • The narrator of the story is clearly a vampire, although this is never overtly expressed. But it is clear from the narration — so kudos to the writer for not telling it, but showing this through the details of the story. However, except for the narrator’s thirst for blood, I know nothing about him/her. I don’t even know their sex. It feels like it’s a male narrator, however. The ending was grisly, taking his mother’s blood, as though the narrator was committing incest. But I needed more characterisation to make me care about the narrator. Arja
  • (Readability) Growing desperation and sense of creepiness both add to increased tension. The scene with the knife, tomato and potato raised hairs on the back of my neck, as much for what it didn’t say as for what it did. Other events are threatening but unexplained, e.g. the smash of glass – I guessed someone had thrown a stone though a window? The pace doesn’t let up except for the pause in the middle suspended on the outside of the building.

    (Originality) Clever use of the effects of the coronavirus in a vampire story – even though the virus is never named, it is hinted at in the lack of fresh kill because of closed bars and fewer drunk late night partygoers and because of the worry that his physiology can’t withstand it. Even the neighbours glutting themselves on Uber Eats and the twitter comments are clever ways to hint at COVID-19.

    (Flow) Time is an important part of the story, especially the move from daylight to night. Good pacing of letting clues fall (I particularly liked using the ladle to push open the window). The scene with the man on the street is largely silent, apart from ‘You alright?’; I wondered if the man would speak or yell in surprise or anger, when he is attacked, or attacking. When he gets back home, after the kicking, there’s no sense that he’s in pain, bruised or injured.

    (Characterisation) The relationship between him and his mother is well drawn – his mix of care of and contempt for her – and comes to a shocking end. Things that are hinted at between them but not spelt out (e.g. the mother’s reaction to putting the knife in the pan) show how well they understand each other. Reading the last chapter of her book aloud to her is an ominous hint that something bad is about to happen. (Not sure why I assume the narrator is a man, it could be a woman – but maybe the man kicking him on the pavement wouldn’t have kicked a woman?)

    (Imagery and use of language) There’s less sense or mention of the darkness as there is of the sunshine earlier, e.g. ‘I pull my cap low and walk down the driveway, sticking under the trees in case someone’s looking out from a nearby balcony.’ Someone on a balcony would be looking out into the dark, so keeping away from streetlights would be more important, or sticking to the darker shadows.

    (Gut response) I took the title to mean something unreachable, or unworkable, like being able to find others like him; the difficulties of his life? A satisfyingly creepy story. Philippa

The Runner-up

'let it be. waiho.'
by Christopher Reed

Judges’ comments

  • An elegant and powerful story of self-discovery. You captured perfectly the awkward social rituals of funerals and the hint of something unexpected. The story flowed along an expected path; the outcome predictable. But it’s the very predictability that enabled you to explore the quiet depth of emotions on that quest to find the truth. The strength of this story is in its simplicity and honesty, and its imagery and language. It’s been a very long time since a story moved me to tears. You achieved that with this line: ‘Nau mai haere mai young fella, you’re home.’ Well done. Sonny
  • A well written account of someone discovering their history, but for me it didn’t feel like there was enough of a story here. Gareth
  • I really couldn’t ‘see’ this story. There wasn’t much description of the narrator. I liked the use of second person point of view though, and it is not always easy to pull off. But the story itself was hidden for me behind the telling of it. I wasn’t very gripped or intrigued. I also was confused by the repetition of ‘waiho’. A story should speak for itself though, and a reader shouldn’t have to look up something like this, it should be explained in the telling. So, for all these reasons, this was my least favourite. Arja
  • (Readability) The first paragraph packs in a lot of info but without being overwhelming. The funeral scene which takes up the first half of the story is a great mix of internal thought and external conversation – and gets across that bizarre mixture of grief and politeness and awkwardness that often makes up a funeral. The search for the marae which takes place a year later is different but connected.

    (Originality) The way that the story is told (2nd person), the dialogue and the self-deprecating tone all gave this story an original feel.

    (Flow) I wasn’t sure why this marae, the last one he visited, was such a long shot. We hear that the marae sits on the edge of the moana, the ocean, but don’t get any sense of the sea itself, or the landscape or the small towns, or the weather, or any other interactions he has with people before he reaches the final marae.

    (Characterisation) I would have liked to a few more details to colour in the characters who are mostly nameless; his pregnant wife doesn’t appear, we don’t learn her or his sister’s names, or the names of his kids. But having said that, the dialogue – both internal and external is well handled throughout, and gives us a sense of people meeting and relating to each other, whether in a superficial way as often at a funeral or at the marae at the end.

    (Imagery and use of language) Telling a story in 2nd person can be tricky but this works well. The repetition of waiho at the end of almost every paragraph is lyrical and almost hypnotic; I like the way the meaning of the word isn’t given, except in the title. I also liked the sense of funeral conversations in the repeated condolences (“At least it was quick.”, “He wouldn’t have suffered.” ) and the way that these turn into a lovely and moving ending (“You’ll miss him.” You nod.)

    (Gut response) I liked the two-part pattern to the story, and the convincing sense of the odd mixture of emotions at the funeral. Philippa

Third Place

'Paper Planes'
by Hannah Woolhouse

Judges’ comments

  • A great opening line and a compelling opening scene that sets up the characterisations beautifully. The rendering of the relationships between the characters is excellent and imagery and language is also very good. I can see why you have structured the flow as you have, but it is hard to follow in places, seemingly contradictory in places. This is in part due to incorrect verb tenses: events/emotions in the past are muddled with the present, so it is not clear when Michael really learned of his stepsister. The connective tissue between what’s going on in Michael’s head and events that need to be conveyed to the reader, is missing in some key pieces, making the story a little confusing. That threw me from the story. Several readings of this and I’m still not clear on some aspects that build to the outcome, and how that segues with the fantastic opening line. Sonny
  • A great opening line. I liked much of the writing such as ‘after recognising a bitterness in my voice I’d only ever heard in hers. ‘ I did find myself lost at times as to where we were with a lack of scene setting. I wonder if the ending would have been more powerful if Michael hadn’t read the letter before Megan launched the paper plane off of the cliff. Gareth
  • I found this story a bit vague and ambiguous. Did the half-sister Megan know the mother in the last months (years?) of her life? Megan seemed more fully developed than Michael, the narrator of the story. He was very undeveloped — you only see him in relation to the toxic relationship he had with his mother. I struggled to make sense of the story because of all this. It wasn’t my favourite story, and I thought more could have been done with the elements of the story, and to make the story more gripping, more developed. Arja
  • (Readability) Time shifts are handled well, the story reads very smoothly despite the way it jumps about in time. The surprise of M not = Michael makes us want to know more. Michael’s introspective thoughts get a bit repetitive but the final scene is a good and satisfying ending.

    (Originality) The premise of only finding out about a half sibling at a funeral is a good one, but I felt there was too much stilted conversation – less would have given the same impression, and allowed more space to find out more about the family situation and Megan and why nobody else knew about her, and why the mother went ahead with the pregnancy if she (supposedly) hated children.

    (Flow) Opening sentence is attention-grabbing but afterwards I felt it didn’t quite make sense, because it wasn’t meant to be his inheritance anyway; also it’ s only a few hundred dollars cash – hardly enough to make a big deal of. Megan remembered seeing him once when she was 13; did he have any memory of that?

    (Characterisation) The mother is a strong character (even tho’ dead!); her presence or absence dominates every scene. Very powerful evocation of how her disapproval has shaped his life. But nobody is 100% unpleasant. I wondered if there were good things about her too. The father is only briefly mentioned but in a way that clearly describes his relationship with his wife through the objects in the room. We don’t learn much about Megan except for her wide eyes and a choppy fringe, but she is more confident and self-assured than Michael, e.g. changing the time of their appointment, and suggesting they move elsewhere.

    (Imagery and use of language) Some great similes. Phrases like M written in chicken-scratch on the front, black ice in a mouth that wasn’t my own, and the metaphors of scars and shrapnel, are also effective use of language. A few typos and/or repetitions (a chipped, silver nail and a chipper, silver nail)

    (Gut response) There were a lot of things I liked: the language, the “lost half sibling” premise, but Michael came across as just a bit wimpy, and I wanted to know more about Megan! Some of the dialogue felt as if it needed to be tightened up and/or expanded, too many short speeches that add to the length but don’t add much to the story – the initial conversation between Michael and Megan in the cafe didn’t convince me, altho’ I can see it’s meant to be an awkward encounter. A lot of telling rather than letting us sense things for ourselves (waiting for an answer, The reason I was here, I wondered if Megan felt the same way.) But I did like the symbolism of the ending. Philippa

PRIZES:
 

  • First Prize: $ 1 000.00 and publication in an anthology of winning stories
  • Second Prize: $ 500.00 and publication in an anthology of winning stories
  • Third Prize: $ 250.00
 
The top three winners receive editorial comments on their submitted works.

THE JUDGES:

Creative writing tutor at the Writers College, Sonny Whitelaw

Sonny Whitelaw

Sonny Whitelaw has enjoyed a successful career as a writer for more than thirty years.  She won a Draco Award for her first novel, The Rhesus Factor and all eight of her novels including five based on the television series, Stargate, have been international bestsellers.
Advanced Poetry Course Tutor Arja Salafranca at The Writers College

Arja Salafranca

Arja Salafranca has been a writer and journalist for over 20 years. She was the lifestyle and arts editor on The Sunday Independent from 2003 to 2016.

She has published three collections of poetry, A Life Stripped of Illusions, which received the Sanlam Award for poetry and The Fire in Which We Burn. Her third poetry collection is Beyond Touch (Modjaji Books/Dye Hard Press 2015), a co-winner in the poetry category of the South African Literary Awards in 2016. Her fiction has been published in local and international journals and anthologies, as well as online. Her debut collection of short fiction, The Thin Line, was published in 2010 (Modjaji Books) and short-listed for the Wole Soyinka Award. She has also edited two anthologies, Glass Jars Among Trees and The Edge of Things.

She holds an MA in Creative Writing from Wits University.
CreativeWriting Success at NZ Writers College Write a Novel Course Gareth Ward

Gareth Ward

Gareth Ward, a.k.a. The Great Wardini is a magician, hypnotist, storyteller, bookseller and author. He has worked as a Royal Marine Commando, Police Officer, Evil Magician and Zombie. He basically likes jobs where you get to wear really cool hats – as writer and compere of Napier City’s inaugural Steampunk murder mystery evening he wore a rather splendid bowler.

Born in the town of Banbury in the UK, he attended the University of York where he gained a joint honours degree in Biology and Computer Science. If you want your cat reprogrammed, he’s your man. He currently resides in Hawke’s Bay, New Zealand where he runs two independent bookshops, Wardini Books and Wardini Books Napier with his wife Louise. He has a goldfish called Luna, a dog called Tonks and is certain his letter from Hogwarts has been lost in the post.

His first novel, The Traitor and the Thief, a rip-roaring young adult Steampunk adventure, won the 2016 Storylines Tessa Duder Award, the 2018 Sir Julius Vogel Award for Best Youth Novel, a 2018 Storylines Notable Book Award and was a finalist in two categories at The New Zealand Book Awards for Children and Young Adults. He is also the author of the award-winning The Clockill and the Thief.

His books are available from bookshops in New Zealand and Australia, at the links below and from the usual online behemoths.
Philippa Werry

Philippa Werry

Philippa Werry is a writer of fiction, non-fiction, poetry and plays for children and young adults. Her interest in history has produced titles such as Anzac Day, Best Mates (illustrated by Bob Kerr), Waitangi Day, Armistice Day, Lighthouse Family, The New Zealand Wars and The Telegram. Her work has also appeared in the School Journal and other educational publications and in various anthologies and has been broadcast on radio. Several of her books have been shortlisted for awards and she is a frequent speaker at schools with the Writers in Schools programme.

COMPETITION RULES:

  • We aim to support beginner writers. We only accept stories from writers who have never been published, or who have been published fewer than four times in any genre. This includes fiction and non-fiction, in any publication (for payment or otherwise). Journalists, copywriters or web writers must please not enter. People who made a living from writing at any point in their life (e.g. decades earlier) are also not eligible for entry. We make an exception for unpaid articles for community or work newsletters or blogs where the circulation is under 1000.
  • All submissions and enquiries can be sent to Nichola Meyer: Nichola@nzwriterscollege.co.nz
  • The competition is open to anyone living in New Zealand aged 16 and over.
  • Entrants must submit a story of maximum word count: 2000 words. Any entries exceeding the word count by 50 words will not be considered.
  • Writers can interpret and represent the theme in any way they choose. Each story must include the phrase ‘What we took for granted’ somewhere in the story. Writers must produce their own title.
  • Only one story per entrant is allowed.
  • We only accept entries written in English.
  • The competition closes at midnight on 30 September 2020. The longlist will be published by 26 October, and the winners announced and displayed on our website on Friday 16 November 2020.
  • Prizewinners will be notified via email as well as on our web site; please ensure you supply a valid email address with your entry.
  • Prize money will be paid via electronic transfer.
  • Stories must not have been previously published. Entrants must own the copyright to the story submitted.
  • Writers retain copyright, but give permission for their work to be published on our website and in an anthology.
  • The judges’ decision is final; no disputes will be entered into.
  • If your entry has not been acknowledged within three working days, please contact us as your email may have got lost in transit.
  • NZ Writers College reserves the right to extend the competition deadline or cancel the competition should the entries not be of publishable quality or up to the required standard.
 
 

ENTRY FORMAT:
 

  • Only e-mail submissions are acceptable. Stories must be copied and pasted into the body of the email, AND sent as a Word document attachment. Mark your entry clearly with the subject line: NZWC Annual Short Story Competition.
  • Each story must have a unique title. Do not use the theme as your title.
  • Your email must state the title of your story, as well as your name. E.g. ‘Once Upon a Time’ – by John Smith
  • Your email must include the declaration: ‘I declare that I have been published in a mainstream print or online publication fewer than four times.’
  • State your word count in your email.
  • Do not include your name on any page of your story. All entries will be judged blind.
  • Use a font such as Arial or Times New Roman, size 12 or more. Use 1.5 or double spacing between lines. We prefer a clear line between paragraphs rather than indenting.
  • Make sure your story has been edited and polished according to tips and guidelines provided on our college site under “Writing Resources”, or on our webzine. Read these:

Download our Free Anthology

You can download our free anthology (by clicking the cover) that showcases the winning stories from the past eight years (2010-2018).

(1.7MB)

We will publish Vol.2 in 2023

Past Winners of the NZ Writers College Short Story Competition

We would like to acknowledge the past winners of our Short Story Competitions.

2020

First Place: ‘Drainpipe’ by Akshata Rao

Runner-up: ‘let it be. waiho’ by Christopher Reed

Third place: ‘Paper Planes’ by Hannah Woolhouse

2019

First Place: ‘Meat’ by Nicky Taylor

Runner-up: ‘The Long White Cloud’ by Toakahu Pere

Third place: ‘Truth-Telling’ by Nicola Bentley

2018

First Place: ‘Crabs’ by Moira Lomas

Runner-up: ‘Golden’ by R. L. Jeffs

Third place: ‘Thunderstorm’ by Mary Francis

2017

First Place: ‘White Boy Wonder’ by Victoria Louise Lawrence

Runner-up: ‘The Hole’ by Regan Drew Barsdell

Third place: ‘Alan Matsumoto’ by Paul M. Clark

2016

First Place: ‘Till Death Do Us Part’ by Suzanne Main

Runner-up: ‘Moving Patterns’ by Nicholas Buck

Third place: ‘A Handful of Dust’ by Madeline Dew

2015

First Place: ‘Aroha’ by Jeff Taylor

Runner-up: ‘Out to Sea’ by James MacTaggart

Third place: ‘Contractual Remedies’ by Barnaby McIntosh

2014

First Place: ‘Norman’s Letter’ by Lizzie Nelson

Runner-up: ‘Being a Ghost’ by Abby Jackson

Third place: ‘Other People’s Lives’ by Ruth L. Jeffs

2013

First Place: ‘The President, the Ski-Instructor and the Watermelon’ by Jade du Preez

Runner-up: ‘The Invisible Woman’ by Lizzie Nelson

Third place: ‘Not My Daughter’ by Monique Reymer

2012

First Place: ‘The Barrier’ by Timothy McGiven

Runner-up: ‘A Certain Hardness’ by Collin Minnaar

Third place: ‘Gravity’ by Andy Evans

2011

First Place: ‘Regrets’ by Aaron Ure

Runner-up: ‘The Effects of Cancellation’ by Sacha Norrie

Joint Third place: ‘Careless Driving’ by Stephanie Attwood, and ‘Milk and Two Sugars’ by David Hamilton

2010

First Place: ‘Tell Me About the Love of Your Life’ by Feby Idrus

Runner-up: ‘Expunge’ by John Drennan

Third place: ‘The Bridge’ by Tony Wi